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mr_morphine @ 2007-09-25T19:00:00

five days have passed since I wrote the last entry here. It seems to me, as it would back a month. The season starts at the moment so extreme in its length.
overwhelm me at work, customers with gifts in the form of chocolates, champagne bottles, wine bottles stack, etc. Here at my apartment in the alcohol bottle and no one is drinking it. I have not the faintest idea what to do with it. The first thing I can think of would be to give it away, but to whom?
Now that I write this occurs to me that I have for weeks been drinking any alcohol. I think I'm going to renounce this stuff forever, just as I have sworn off cigarettes and drugs. Life can indeed endure this difficult, but easier to live. Otherwise I
have no idea what I could write.
days ago I had a severe crash psyche that I thought, I'll introduce myself. As bad as it was really unprecedented. The only thing that saved me again has been my music. What would I do without you?
For two weeks I have changed out of working with anyone from a personal standpoint. I live and work in a big city where every day tens of thousands of people silently walk by each other. Sometimes I sit on the train, listening to my music and look at the people sitting there for me and I come once more to the conclusion that I feel a stranger among them. The way they interact with each other is so incomprehensible, so illogical, so unnecessary.
without sinking into self-pity do, but loneliness is one of the worst feelings that need to endure. I try to fight it, trying with other to get in touch. But what I get is not what I want. The presence of some people and communicating with them sometimes requires me off so much energy that I do not ultimately what I really like this. Since I prefer to prefer to be alone, even when threatening to devour me with time.
When I think back to past times, there were only 2 people who were really with me on the same wavelength. One was an old school friend, a native Bosnian, who then fled to Germany before the war. He has returned more than 7 years in his home and I've never heard of him. N. The other person was, my Ex, but also it has indeed adopted some months ago from my life, so that no one remained to me since. This problem can

think of me only recently, but already I have been. I used so often went walking alone at night, especially on warm summer evenings and I've stayed at several places alone to take in the hope someone with whom I entertain me or make friends even, perhaps.

If I'm honest, this loneliness was also the reason why I was then taken refuge in drugs. If you are busy with himself and his wine, a being alone does not matter.
I try to let me on anything purely external. How it looks like inside me, no one knows. I am ashamed so much that I like to talk to anyone about it. I suffer much from it. It makes me miserable and I never learned to deal with it. Many times I've tried myself to distract with music or other things to do, but it is useless, because one of the status quo always catches up and a call to consciousness, in which position you are. And sometimes when I'm in bed at night alone, I think back to past times, realized my current condition and fall into a deep melancholy mood ...
On the other hand, I am convinced that in me outstanding abilities that nobody else has. Deep in me a lot of potential is there, I know. I need only take the fact that I'm probably doomed to be alone and accept it for what it is, so I can focus my energy on the important things. Now that I have written this, it will be for me probably easier to do this. Hopefully.

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choco macks @ 2007-09-22T21: 58:00

So, now it again but you always here to bring up to date = o)
Alos, I'm working now for 3 weeks at Telekom and I think really great. Well, until now, can one still speak of non-real "work." The first operational use by 15 catches Of October, until then we are in the "BBi-phase" means that we are currently ne group of 16 trainees, and we learn it at the time to know better (make team games, excursions etc.) and learn as general work out things (presentations on basic things like safety and privacy, and so) and .. yes, is really chillig currently, and is great fun! My fellow trainees are also really great .. Thats has so far no problems and I get to beat the 3 weeks before when we would have known each other longer. So far is really cool.
I'm nervous since bissl week already sick. Have a sore throat and cough and headache. is nich so pleasant, but this weekend I really try to become healthy again ^ ^ Otherwise, as far as it is private in order (except for the usual things ^ ^)

That's far from me:)

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Falling with no end............

I have no idea what is wrong with me. Is it just a phase that will soon be over? As bad as it has never, as long as I can remember. I feel absolutely tired, tired and without energy. My thoughts are like small pieces of matter that orbit around a black hole, waiting to be absorbed by it. I was once a fun-loving Man with many hobbies and interests. My dreams, my goals, my desires, my energy ... it seems that nothing is more left of them, only emptiness. It seems that wiped out the last spark of life in me. Hardly any social contact and combine same I am increasingly appear incapable of doing anything about it.
My body is strongly affected by stress at work.
How many people are depressed? There seems to be a common disease and it seems to make even the youngest among us.

I'll have to do something else ... I no longer catch out of here alive.

I can not arrange my thoughts grad. I have so much to say, but I do not know how.

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mr_morphine @ 2007-09-03T18:09:00

The weekend was great. A. I have seen again and we had a lot of fun together. We have been listening to music, movies watched, it boiled ... I got a little help in their professional work, we have together played guitar in the evening ... we left and are completely ready in the morning then collapsed into bed and at some point in arm poor sleep. It was nothing more between us.
A. I know for many years, we were a long time ago a couple. Due to the circumstances was pretty stupid back then to pieces. I regret even today, because I would stay together with her, then I had some unpleasant experiences have been spared. After our separation moved away and came together with a guy, a pub in the casting part. The contact broke off first and we heard nothing more from each determined two years. Only a few weeks, we have found again by chance zueiander and now it seems as if we had never been apart. We were at the weekend to give it back inseparable.

A. is a wonderful person, very sensitive to what they like to hide behind but their tough facade. As for dealing with other people, she has a very keen sense for which I have always admired. Their presence alone does me very well and I am happy to work with her.

In itself, I would love to have as a partner again and I think I have realized that they were it not averse. I can also think of no better than them. She is pretty, intelligent, confident, emotionally alive, musical and very versatile. Moreover, it is as a child ... so as I head in plain text: it meets my ideal of a woman.

would unfortunately not work there because of me, because since the history of N. I find myself hardly able to relations. It seems as if she had killed a part of me.

Somehow the thing is with her still very haunted by many questions in my head that are never answered.
I'm afraid that a large part of the naivety with which I usually ranging from relationships and the ability to trust someone who has been zertört by the separation, and I hope that I succeed, at some point to compensate for the back.